can’t wait for the clay season

Over the last few months, a day without visiting the site of Justine Henin is never complete. I joined the forum wherein i sometimes post although most of the time i am a lurker and/or ghostnic.

I felt sad when she lost to Francesca Schiavone in the 2007 Dubai Open QF depriving her of her quest for her 5th title there. I lost sleep over her second upset of the year (Australian Open QF) from the grunting and shrieking russian player. Until now i can’t forget the gesture of the assassin-like father of that noisy player. Next of her unfortunate defeats (3rd this year) is from SW at Key Biscayne, Miami. All of these defeats are from hard court. Yeah, you can say they have taken their revenge after all the thrashings they got from the number one WTA player the previous matches.

It is now with great anticipation that I await for the clay season. We will see how players will fare from the hands of the queen of clay come German Open (Berlin), Internazionali BNL Italia (Rome) and the French Open (Roland Garros, Paris).

In the mean time, i am completing my collection of Justine’s matches by downloading from this site. Watching the transition of her game from 2001 to the present is indeed a poetry in motion. She is just incredible. Her tenacity and resilience over personal and family struggles, her mental toughness, her all around game style, her generosity and the sheer talent ( especially that single-handed backhand) that she has is truly admirable. I started to love tennis the moment i saw her play some years ago. I have read every bits and pieces written about her, both negative and positive. I believe and support her no matter how she is criticized in the past. I just think and feel that she is a beautiful person inside and out.

Picture taken from this site.

This is as far as I could get as a fan. She is the only player who could get me home early from the office and watch her play till the wee hours of the morning. Who after watching that classic more than three hours 2003 US open SF against Jennifer Capriati could not admire that mental toughness, the never-give-up  attitude,  the resilience, and that exceptional ‘tennis brain’.  I could go on and on but least i be accused of an exaggeration, i guess i should stop here.

where is the magic?

I have always been fascinated by magic as a child. Actually, not only with that, but almost anything that are extraordinary and queer. Growing up in the high mountains and overhearing stories from native folks talk about someone who can be invisible if he wants to and other magical stories made me wonder if such things really happen. Deep inside there seems to be a silent ‘knowing’ that such things do happen.

I have loved books the moment i learn how to read. The library where i studied for my primary education does have a lot of collections which i enjoyed immensely in my spare time. Thanks to the Americans(?)/Canadians(?) who brought books to my school then (i will not thank them though for ravaging the mountains to mine copper and gold). I remember when I was in grade two, our room adjoins the school library and laboratory. There I feasted on both fiction and non-fiction books, science and literature. There also in constant view are the laboratory equipments, the replica of the solar system in makeshift rings up in the ceiling, educational posters, and even dried animals that look scary. Unfortunately though, there are not a lot of books available to whet my appetite for more details on magics. Of course, I have read my share of Filipino tales, legends, paranormal and magical stories (e.g. Kapri, dwende, and Tikbalangs, etc.) and of Cinderella, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, Fairies, etc. With all of those stories, somehow, i am certain there is more to magic than just mere word or fantasy.

Added to an active child’s imagination was the immediate environs that were so rich of floras. It was like a fantasy world back then. If i was not settled in a book, you can find me with other children exploring the nearby mountain with its verdant pine trees, black berries, mushrooms, ferns and pitcher plants. Hmmm… fresh air and clear brooks were so inviting for playing and fun. Now who could resist that over a book? Its a tough competition and I could leave a book anytime for a chance to play. I so believe in fairies. One who is more sensitive could probably feel their almost palpable presence in the forests. I am not that lucky to have the eye but I believe they exist.

Anyway, I feel that I have a lot of readings to do to catch up with the could’ve been ‘magical years’. I don’t live in the mountains now and so my solace to capture magical moments is through books.

So what books have I read lately? One is “The Charmed Sphere” by Catherine Asaro. I finished last night “Stardust” by Neil Gaiman. I have several more books in the province which i left unread. I wish I could have more time to read and explore bookstores to get acquainted with good authors on magic and fantasy.

In the mean time, I also have three new titles which are not of this type. The 3 titles are, “The Giver”, “Gathering Blue” and “The Messenger” by Lois Lowry. I will rest for a while reading magic stuff and read these books.

I guess, I will cut short my post here. I know it is becoming a bad habit not to really delve on my subject. Honestly, it irks me to cut short my entries; it bothers me knowing I can’t continue writing because i don’t have a free-flowing mind to express the words I want written; i feel frustrated not to have fluid and thinking fingers to press the keys automatically (am i insane?). In short, i still don’t have the magic to make that happen. Or it can be that, I am already sleepy when I write so that I can scarcely shutdown my machine before my eyes close and body tumbles to my thin Japanese bed.

I am both patient and impatient. The Magic will come soon…

everything a passage

Everything will come to pass. Your thoughts whether positive or negative, the state of your minds with every passing seconds, those fleeting anger or hatred that you feel, your intolerance, happiness and every emotions that makes you feel alive. All of these will just stay for a while and then soon forgotten and vanish into oblivion.

It is both funny and sad how we cling to feelings, to both material and non-materials things and most of all to people. Probably, this is to keep us sane. To not cross the border that separates sanity from insanity.

Psychology has always fascinated me. How the mind works and the science behind it are subjects that interest me among others. I have always love reading and this love I think somehow ruined my ability to just concentrate in one particular area of interest. There’s just too much information to absorb and the more I read, the more I realize how little I know.

What kind of mind or thinking do I have? Oftentimes, I think there is a lot going inside me. I would like to think it is overly active and never rests. I wish I could write everything that crosses my mind. I think that is not possible though. I am not a good writer.

This writing and my state of being right this very moment is just a passage. After this, it has come to pass and there it goes; one unintended, demented, confused and garbled blog entry.

Saturday musings

Its been a while since i last wrote a thing here. The break during the Holy week and my 5-day mandatory leave thereafter passed through without an entry here. Starting to write again is not as easy. I am not a natural writer. Sometimes I just write because I just feel like pressing some keys; no agenda, no plan what to write about. Most of the time, after writing an entry, i just feel like someone who has made a fool of herself. But just as I always say, what the heck? I couldn’t care less who is reading. It is good to be unknown and ’semi-anonymous’. You can write about anything that you think, pour your heart out and curse all you want to somehow ease those bottled emotions. Who gives the hoot? Its therapeutic to write.

My Holy Week breezed through just like any ordinary week for me. I feel like i have totally lost my more or less Catholic upbringing. Deep inside and ages ago, i know that I am not completely Catholic anymore. I have lost some Catholic teachings but I have gained from other denominations. I have mixture of friends of different faiths. I have observed how they lived their lives. Muslims, Catholics, Buddhist, Adventists, Baptists and “born-agains”. They are kind-hearted and good people regardless of faith. I think that no one is really and purely of one’s religious affiliation. To be such is to be closed and to be blind to the goodness of the others. Faith and beliefs are very personal and can’t be dictated. One’s experience is unique. Once in a while one would just feel the priceless ‘Gift of being in a state’ whether in silence or in chaos. I am not equipped to write about this kind of topic and so it is better to end it. It is enough to just say that I am not an Atheist or anything near it. The truth is in my soul, heart and mind.

During the break, I had a chance of kiting in a breezy open area again. This was done with a bunch of kids and some young members of my family. What fun we had maneuvering colorful kites in the open skies. It was great to be childlike. To run, to be carefree, and to just enjoy the moment with innocent children. Fortunately or unfortunately, it cannot always be like that. Fortunately, because if you do that daily, it will become normal and will not be as joyful anymore. Some things or activities are just appreciated and enjoyed only if they are done in rare occasions.

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Over the years, i feel like I am losing base with my old friends. More and more as the years go by, the distance is getting wider and wider. It is true that time heals all wounds, but it is also true that time has a way of making strangers out of friends. Time steals memories; good that it forgets the sad ones, but simply harsh that it fails to remember the happy ones. And so sometimes, in rare moments of introspection, you may ask yourself, have you really been friends with those you considered as close to blood kins? Or you will just dread the day when you will be asked by them, “Who are you?”. What a painful day that would be.